Problems with the past.?

I was abused as a kid and then put in a foster home at the age of three. I had visits with my parents along with my brother and sister. I was the only one who could visit my father, only because I didn't tell the cops anything about the way he treated me because I thought I would go to jail. My sister started acting up one day, threatening to hurt me and throwing a fit. The cops came and took her away, and a few days later I was in a new foster home. About three years later I got adopted and my brother's foster family cut the communications with us. I learned a few months later that my brother got adopted and later the family declared bancruptsy. Since then I haven't heard anything about them. I lived in constant fear about my father, because he told me that if I say anything about him he would kill me, and I told my adopted mom that on accident. I wouldn't even want to go outside alone. I was only nine. My mom and dad would take me to weird cyciragists in hopes that I'll speak about my past, but I mean it when I say weird. That guy freaked me out as a little kid. So I hated all counselors and people involved with that stuff. I hate it when people ask about my childhood and talk about when people were babies and your parents cheering you on as you took your first steps. I don't even know what my parents looked like anymore. I still live in anger, and it separates me from my adopted family. I don't know what to do, it's like an iron grip around me. It hurts, and I'm starting to break under it. Please, spare me the boo hoo's and life sucks for you, because I have enough of those and it doesn't help any. I need real council, but none of that freaky professional stuff. Please? Anyone?